Heart Week, Heart Life

It's come again, the third Heart week of my darling's life. Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week, that is. I'm already tired of typing it. Some of you may not know that it is Heart week; some of you may think it's simply the lead-up to Valentine's Day: sales and cheesy gifts and dead flowers and big paper hearts hanging everywhere. I've never been a fan of V Day, so while I didn't leap at the chance to 'celebrate' CHDs, I embraced the opportunity to purposefully ignore the holiday for a more noble cause. Or at least to recognize Charlie's heart battle. We try to do that in our own little way every year, so we can spend the rest of the year  being as normal as possible.

"So I guess we're not having any more kids."

This year has gained some significance in our lives because we learned that another close family member has a heart problem, this time on Terel's side of the family. While I don't yet know the details of the family member's heart problem and am unsure if it is a congenital problem or an acquired problem, it gives me pause to think of the genetic odds stacked against us. My sister was also born with congenital heart disease and died as an infant. Charlie is special and we would not trade her for anything, but the facts we now know about heart defects and our family history may have made us choose to forgo having another child.

While I believe that I have fulfilled the quota for ethical child-bearing (one replacement for each parent), Terel and I went into our relationship thinking there'd be a couple more children (I mean, I have a brother who probably won't be having children at all, so I get to replace him too, right? And his girlfriend?). I think we're both a little sad, but we can't ignore the risk.

According to the American Heart Association, the chances of us having another child with a heart defect are as high as 50%. That's quite the gamble.

I am in every way satisfied by the children I already have and consider myself blessed to have them.  I know that circumstances change and minds change and that some of the wishes we made must adapt to the needs of the present. I actually feel almost Zen about it, living in the now with my family. But despite the calm-eastern-springing-from-nothing vibe I have going on, there is a small part of me that is infinitely Western; a selfish, capitalistic, bigger is better part of me who can't give away a pair of pink booties and already has the next baby named.

While West Me tries to duel with east me, east me smiles and accepts it.  East me is all about enjoying the now. East me teaches math to the boys while eating pretend pear soup with Charlie, who looks ravishing in red. East me has plenty of thoughts about congenital heart defects.  East me thinks those thoughts and then lets go of them. And if east me discovers someday that she is pregnant, she'll send West Me good healthy heart transmissions.

Mom & Charlie wearing Red for Heart Awareness

Please, whether you're an east you or a West You or both, learn the facts about your heart and know the risk. Heart  defects are the most common birth defect and the number one killer of infants with birth defects. Awareness saves lives.